Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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