is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
