On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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