id be glad to
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
