If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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