bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
