Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
