The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
