do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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