Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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