It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
