You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
