He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
