Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
