I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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