my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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