I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
