I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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