This girl is more easily done than said...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
