You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
