so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize