i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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