Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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