I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
