Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
