my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
