yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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