The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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