how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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