He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
