Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
