I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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