Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
