You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
