I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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