I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
