I heard we made out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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