atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
