it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
