Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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