i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
