dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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