im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
