I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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