I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize