i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize