I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
