yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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