i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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