Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
