Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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