hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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