is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
