i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize