too bad you live with your parents still
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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