I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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