In the future we'll all be gay
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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