The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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