Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
