I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dick very happy bro
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
