Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
