Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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