She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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