maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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