is your mom at the bar?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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