i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
