Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
