So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
