He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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