i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
