the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
