shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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