it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
