I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
