Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
